Fashion. Not a topic I generally touch base on, only because I don’t have any fashion sense. I usually rely on a mannequin or a good friend with an honest opinion in order to make it work. However, in this case it’s not about how I dress but about how or where a developed fashion sense may come from (and where I missed a memo or two).
Let me take y’all back. Way back. Okay not that far back.
On my way home from work, being Spring-into-Summer season, I’m seeing a lot more cute outfits coming about, and as cute as they all are I couldn’t see myself wearing items like that. I never figured out why. That’s when it hit me. In high school, that’s where the average girl will develop a sense of self, style and (hopefully) humor. Relevancy to this post: style. When I was in high school I was at least 230 pounds, I’m not lying, I might’ve been more but that’s not the point. Point is, at that age all I cared about was finding clothes that even fit me. I generally wore jeans and a tee shirt. Of course, I lost a few pounds or grew out of some “baby fat” but honestly I think I grew out more than any teenager really wants to imagine.
I was a big girl with a lack of style. I dressed Barbie no problem. I used to read preteen magazines and browsed through those magazines in the doctors office like Flare and Glamour, but I never really tried to make those tips work. So while all those girls I thought were pretty, might’ve dressed too often like they were hitting up a club after class, wore too much makeup, and every other thing I’ve seen, were getting their fashion tips from Cosmo, Flare and what ever the newest outfit a model or celebrity was sporting, I was at Walmart trying to find a shirt that was the right size to hide me.
I was brought to the realization that this problem actually followed me into my young adult life. Even after working in retail for so many years, I still have trouble coupling articles of clothing together. Or matching patterns, colors, accents, what-doesn’t-match-my-eyes. I was told I didn’t know how to dress. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this.
Some girls buy the whole outfit. I buy a piece of it, hoping I have something in my closet that can go with it. I buy shoes that I can wear with, hopefully, everything in my closet. Some articles of clothing can work like that, where you can buy only the one piece without dropping cash for the whole shebang, and I have pieces like that; skirts, denim, tops, but sometimes we need two pieces in order to make things work. I don’t know whether I’m telling the truth behind all this.
I’m 175 pounds. I’m still losing weight. I don’t buy much right now, just because I don’t know if that new item is going to fit me in two months. I say my weight with a slight pang-of-pride. That happiness of managing to accomplish such a loss, yet that pain because now you’re in clothes size ranges that are almost considered “normal”. Sure, I still have trouble finding my size sometimes, but it’s a little less frequent. But with all the selection, why is so difficult to experiment?
Back to that conversation on flipping through magazines as a teen. Other articles that would be published is knowing your body type, or “how to dress for your body type”. Here’s my issue. I don’t know what my body type is any more. Am I an hour-glass shape? Apple? Pear? I can promise I’m not “boyframed”. Point is, I can now finally see my body taking shape, but I don’t know which it is and how to properly dress it up or down or just properly. I’m not a fashionista. It’s almost shameful.
I know how to dress with black and denim. I’m terrified of playing with colors. I’m afraid of trying a new cut. Here’s what I have found to be scariest: I’m scared of trying to be different or be considered different.
I have no sense of style. I may like it but am always reluctant to try anything that has to do with it because the back of my mind is telling me that it’ll look bad. I don’t wanna be no “hipster”. Seems like that’s everybody’s easy-way out. I want to find me. But I have no clue how or where to start. It’s even harder to do when that friend you relied on for fashion advice is working too often and those magazines are too expensive to buy these days.
I guess this is the life I will have to learn to lead until I figure things out…