Again, I’m venturing into the realm of random generated questions by Plinky. Today I chose a question that I felt had affected my inner most conscience. I guess a person could consider it as my guilty-side. I won’t name names as anything that has to be said, I will say to that person. Here’s the question that Plinky gave me:
If you could write an anonymous letter to someone, who would it be? What would you write?
The writing part isn’t difficult, it’s trying to make the recipient understand. Here’s the letter to somebody I’ve known since my senior years in high school:
Dear (friend’s name),
I know I should probably be starting this letter with an apology, but right now I’ll explain to you what exactly brought about that text that more or less separated us from any form of conversation. I’ve seen you on Facebook lately and I haven’t said anything, I wanted to but I was afraid that some where in my conscience I thought I was betraying somebody else, but when I finally realized that I was only hurting myself by avoiding you, you were no longer online. A missed opportunity.
Even now as I write this letter that will never reach you I am hoping you log on so that I can actually explain my reasoning for saying that our friendship was ending. I knew it wasn’t; I’m still praying that you will forgive once you find out why I did what I did. Although, afterwards I can almost hear your voice telling me that I made a stupid choice. But what girl doesn’t choose her boyfriend over a guy friend? It happens all too often.
I asked you to stop saying the things that you would say. How attractive I’ve become, Et cetera. I was flattered, and I know you were joking but you obviously made me uncomfortable not only by what you said but because I knew one day he would find a comment or text that I forgot to delete. He threatened me. He was saying that it was obvious what you wanted, although I denied those facts and told him that this was just the way you are. He wouldn’t have it. He told me to cut all ties from you. So, in tears, I texted you the final paragraph telling you that I was done with all forms of communication we had. Minutes later your response was filled with hurt, retorting that you couldn’t believe that all we had was communicative ties. I personally can’t remember what I really said, but I know that I was doubly hurt once I read your response.
He compared me to his ex-girlfriend and how she would tell him of guys that would use words of flattery or hit on her. She would show him texts guys sent and she would claim that she would stop talking to them, in his honor, and then delete their number. I don’t know how honest she was, or whether she really stopped talking to them. I’m not going to judge her since the point of this letter isn’t to compare my life from hers, but I always knew when you were kidding and nothing else would come about from it all.
I’m sorry. Here’s my apology. I’m sorry that after this many years we abruptly stopped talking over something like a comment about my physical appeal and how it aroused you, it went to far, but I forgive you. We have had no history of real physical attraction, we’ve never engaged in anything other than all those lengthy conversations in the stairwell in high school and at the bleachers in the spring. We’ve gossiped and just relaxed with nothing “weird” happening. We were good friends, I never asked for anything else. I hope you do forgive me, maybe not now or tomorrow but one day.
I wish you all the best.