NaBloPoMo

Make Amends


Have you ever reached a point in your life where it almost feels right to fly across the country just to say “I’m sorry”? I know it sounds crazy, expensive and possibly ridiculous but should your guilt and conscience make you want to do something extreme like that? I don’t know why I’ve come to this decision but it’s a feeling, maybe it’s my inner-self  trying to say You’ve never really said anything to [insert

name here] you should go apologize, bring them a box of cookies and that beautiful, warm smile of yours. Yea, my inner-self has a cookie habit, but that’s okay, she’ll move on.

I can’t say that I’ve hurt any person to the point where it was truly necessary to actually apologize, but I think after believing that I’ve hurt some people almost 6 years ago makes me believe that I need to say something more than an email can ever solve. It’s not even a “haha I moved on” moment, it’s a “I want to know if you’re okay, even-though-I-shouldn’t-have-to-care-anymore” moment. I’m 23 years old, and occasionally I feel like I have a mid-life crisis evolving in front of me. It’s a scary feeling that you might not be moving as fast as the rest of the world.

I wish I could use the excuse that I have a Napoleon complex, but it’s not about high-and-mighty I might be feeling it’s about the other feelings I’ve potentially hurt years ago. And it also gives me an excuse to do some well deserved traveling. What could be better than that?

I’m just trying to make things better. Perhaps this is why I feel like certain things in my life are failing, because I’ve never truly gotten to feel something, a form of separation, from a former emotion. So my emotions just pile on top of one another until building up and the biggest one gobbles the rest and that would be when I feel very low and self-loathing. It sucks. It’s like depression, but only last for a day and then I’m back to my regular-ol’-self.

I don’t know if anybody else has ever felt this way or whether it’s just me. But please share your stories.  Have you ever wanted to make amends for something you once didn’t think was necessary?

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