Randomized

Hebrews 10:14


I realized this morning, while walking from the bus stop to work, after being left at home because of considerations.

I seem to over-think things while I’m walking.

Walking gives me too much time to think.

That’s why I run. No time for my thoughts to keep up.

I thought of why I was walking to work and not stepping out of the car around the corner to take a quick trip to the front door of the building.

I thought about why I tolerate the words that cut, being used like a switchblade over bare, tender skin; bitch. fucking slut. cunt. bitch. fat. ugly.

Sleeping in separate quarters over words that shouldn’t have been taken seriously.

I’ve gotten over the argument, why must you continue to linger over it?

“Never go to bed angry with each other”, we’ve done this often.

I became an insomniac last night. I don’t know how many hours I actually slept last night.

It was difficult to tell since when I stepped out of bed I would have fallen over from disorientation, if it weren’t for the walls and the potential risk of stepping on the cat.

Why should I have been left at home?

The risk of sounding selfish, it is my vehicle and it is now winter, therefore you should assume I will expect a ride in my vehicle if you want to bear the responsibility of driving it.

While walking I felt hurt. The thought of leaving. Telling him to leave.

I thought of a friend who recently married and the hardships she faced in the last few years prior knowing her.

Single mom. 2 daughters. Fighting divorce.

She managed.

Could I?

Perhaps I was nothing but a façade of strength, free-will, free-thought, independence, and Women’s Rights.

Was I kidding myself. Have I deluded myself into thinking I could really be that person?

Or have I been broken?

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5 thoughts on “Hebrews 10:14

  1. Wow Nym. Only you know the answer to your last few sentences. Go with your heart then work at it with your mind. Not the other way round. Good luck in whatever outcome you decide on. A hug for you. Ralph x

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