People You Want to Forget but Your Imagination Won’t

They say ‘time heals all wounds’. But those who say that also probably believe that ‘all things can be forgotten with time’. I know these two are not the actual quotes or paraphrases but I don’t understand why a single conversation can cause my sleepy-self to conjure dreams of things that I cannot explain. Why it reminds me of people and settings and later combines people from different parts of my life and put them all in the same room.

People I’ve done wrong by and vice verso  When I’m hanging off the arm of the wrong man and yet I cannot see the one I should be. He’s saying things he doesn’t understand and at this point I can’t explain it. I get the look of shock and awe walking into a room that I am not familiar with yet has been in another dream. But things are so rounded. I can hear the voices and see the faces. I see the disgusted distress of a friend who has gotten weary from the idea of spending anymore time with me, perhaps that is a metaphor in relation to how that friendship really fell apart in reality.

I’ll quickly tell you my story and things that reoccurred. Maybe I’m just crazy or my sub-conscience is trying to tell me something:

Primarily based at my old high school. I see nobody I knew from there, there were very few people attending to start with. One person I spent time with is my best friend from elementary school, and later I see her venting her frustrations with somebody, but I don’t believe I saw a face. It was like lunch time, I decided to catch up with a guy and his group. I saw more than one face, but at this second I can’t remember them all. But I was focused on one particular person, I had a big crush on him when I was working at Walmart but he turned me away and I never went back. This group of guys and I were walking somewhere, I don’t remember if I really recognize this place but it was strange. Almost like a dingy bar. Walking down the main hall of this building it was dark, and the guy I met with was trying to ask me things like how I can still be attracted to him, he’s so old, and why him. All these things I couldn’t answer. It sucks even more that I don’t think those are questions I’d even ask myself about him, since I’m not attracted to this guy. So, before having the ability to answer these questions I focused on his one question/comment “I’m so old, why do you want to be with an old man?” I was repeating the same question, you’re not that old, how old are you than? I think he responded 37 or something, which I’m pretty sure is a load of crock. Moving on. He wraps his arms around my waist and that’s when I realize I’m still this big girl I was in high school. I was unshapely and at that second I couldn’t understand how anybody could want to be with me. But we walked into the room and I lock eyes with a couple of girls I new in grade school. They were stuck up. They never made fun of me to my face but I’m sure they had a few laughs are my expense. One girl, C, her eyes wide with a form of admiration and says “Hey Shoes”, apparently even though I was ugly I had a keen sense of fashion when it came to footwear, although I don’t think this is actually true, but it’s all a dream.

This small eating area was nothing but several rows of bar stools and thin table tops. A little loud  although I couldn’t actually hear the noise being produced. We moved around to the second row and pushed people and insisted on moving other peoples seating arrangements for our own comfort. I bumped into a wheelchair. I saw another person. Strangers from my past that I had never said more than 2 words. But as this guy and I sat down he was about to say something… my dream ends.


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