Birthday Wishes

I’m 24 today. I’m not too sure how I should feel about it. Today’s one of those days where I (think) I should be excited about it, but I guess because of the breakup I feel like it’s just another day. I do not like days like today. Makes things difficult.

I saw him on Skype, but he didn’t talk to me. I was half-hoping that he would say something to me. I also was expecting to see a side-note from him this morning when I logged on to Facebook. I was hoping that maybe just as a nicety because I did it for him a week ago he would return the favor and wish me a happy birthday too.

I guess that’s the reality of things. He refocuses all his energy elsewhere, reminding me that what we had is gone. I lost that. Am I thankful? Yes, to an extent. I prayed a few nights before I left, begging God for a sign or a reason that I shouldn’t leave. I didn’t experience anything; I didn’t witness anything so that must mean God remained quiet and that all those months prior of feeling like somebody was trying to ask me why I stuck around during all the fights and petty arguments was really Him telling me that my time had come.

I didn’t need anymore signs! I didn’t need to witness anything. Although I witnessed the miracle of Iz becoming a more caring-type human, I felt cynical. I felt like I would forever resent everything that has ever happened to us and therefore would never get passed things. I wanted to. But every time he would say “I’m not that person…” or “Why can’t you get passed that?” I would reply in vain that he has said the same crap. You can cover it with whatever you want but it’ll smell bad. In the end nobody stays happy.

We would begrudgingly walk around each other in the apartment. Smiling awkwardly when we find it suiting. Sleep awkwardly in the same bed every night but never really feeling complete.

Happy birthday to me, and hopefully in another year from now I can look back and go “yea, I made the right choice”.

– Nym


11 thoughts on “Birthday Wishes

      • I’ve been there so I know what you are going through. Your life will improve. Believe it and do it. You will know when the time is right.

      • Thanks Ralph. I’m really hoping so. I think the more I spend time outside my home and keep my mind occupied I’ll get through this speedbump. It’s only been a week.

      • My next post? lol Yea, I felt a little testy when I wrote that. It pissed me off that even after this long he still managed to forget which day I was born. 1 year I was born the 7th and the year after he remembered the night of the 7th (so like midnight).. I had hoped this year he was going to get it right, I guess I was so completely wrong.
        I suppose in the grand scheme of things it’s a blessing in disguise. If he couldn’t bother to get my birth date right when we were together, how can I expect him to get it right after I leave?

      • That’s one of the worst sins to forget your partner’s birthday. I asked my neighbour what his wife would like for her birthday the following day. His face went white as he had forgotten and was so pleased that I reminded him. I averted WW3 in that house šŸ˜€

      • haha
        That’s awesome. I wouldn’t have started anything over it, but I figured after this long he’d have it memorized. Like my goodness, we were only born a week apart!

      • I didn’t think so either, but what do I know haha
        At this point I can’t expect him to remember these things. Now if he tries to contact me next year on the wrong day I’ll have to politely ask him to F-off šŸ˜‰

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s